𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐘-𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄 — sea shanties

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 𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐊𝐒𝐀 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐍 the one to tell Jesper that Inej had awoken the next morning. The Sharpshooter always had jittering fingers and a pulsating heart. He always had tapping toes that simply couldn't stay still... but with Inej under, and having seen Aleksa smothered in her own blood, he had lost all the little resolve he once had.

 Jesper Fahey kept an air of aloofness about him. He always slapped on that dazzling smile that seemed to fit so perfectly on his face. His widening grin always spouted humour, as though he couldn't be serious a day in his life... but when Aleksa approached him as his fingers drummed along the sips railings, and told him that Inej was awake... The gangly Zemeni boy crumbled.

 He toppled forth, long and spindly arms curling around his dearest little bug. They had stayed there for a moment, rocking back and forth in sync with the waves, neither quite aware of the hawk-like stare glaring at them from the mast.

 The salted breeze tickled their faces, cooling the little tears that had squeezed through their cracks. Aleksa had taken Jesper's hand moments later, tugging him towards the cabin in which their Wraith rested.

 He'd made Inej Ghafa laugh, and that was what mattered most. The Crows found it easy to slip into the guise of hardened criminals, sticky-handed thieves, and those who expected the worst. But when they could laugh and let their cheeks redden in the most delightful of ways... that was how you knew they were alright. That things would be okay.

 Inej had almost demanded to leave the cramp and damp-smelling cabin she'd been cooped within. Nina and Jesper had managed to wrestle her rubber-soled shoes back onto her toes, and the moment inej slipped her feet to the ground, she looped an arm through Aleksa's, another through Jespers... and off they went to swallow more salted air.

 Once they were on the deck, Inej halted and tipped her head back. Her ink-coloured braid tumbled down her back, whipping to and fro in the air as she inhaled ever so deeply. It was a bland old day, the horizon almost a remnant of Ketterdam itself; a bleak and grey sky broken by white-capped mountains. There were ripples of clouds drowning out the sunlight and floating by as the wind howled and carried the little boat further and further over the ocean waves.

 Aleksa watched her. The Wraith was free once more, she never did quite take to staying cooped within a room for longer than she had to. Her hair was slithering free from her coil, and Aleksa was practically itching to fiddle with it and wrangle it back into a perfectly sleek plait.

 "It feels good to be this kind of cold," Inej murmured, voice almost swallowed by the whistling wind.

 Jesper cocked his head, a light shiver gracing his skin. He'd much rather the sunlight spring free and warm him once more, "This kind?"

 Aleksa knew what she meant. From the stuffy little cabin cloaked in the warmth of Nina's powers... from the clamminess of freshly healed flesh, and the chill that had laced dying hands... the sea air was fresh. It was alive as it brushed by, something only the living could feel.

 "Wind in your hair, sea spray on your skin," Inej soon sputtered as the sea spray splatted upon her lips, trailing salt to her tongue, "The cold of the living... suppose the salt helps too because that was awful."

 Aleksa cracked a smile, "I'm pretty sure my blood is salty at this point." Then she cast her eyes towards the stern of the ship, where Nina had trailed to join Wylan. She'd very pointedly been avoiding Matthias, choosing to keep herself as far away as possible.

 Inej rose a thin brow as she assessed the Heartrender that had saved her life, and the towering Fjerdan looming by the mast like a stone statue. They avoided one another's eyes, "Have they been like that the whole time?"

 "Matthias seems to believe Nina is a plague."

 Jesper swayed on his feet, moving from heels to toes, "It's been like watching two bobcats circle each other."

 Inej made a little humming noise. "But what do they mean to do when they pounce?"

 "Claw each other to death?"

 Inej rolled her eyes. "No wonder you do so badly at the tables."

 Aleksa snorted; It was so plainly obvious to see that Nina Zenik and Matthias Helvar had a very particular history. Their intense ache to avoid one another, the insistent insults from Matthias' tongue... the way he cleared his throat and smothered the bursts of pink that would erupt upon those pale Fjerdan cheeks. Their circling, their avoidance was all so Matthias could keep up his ruse and pretend those feelings were long since buried.

 Yet Jesper hadn't noticed. Well, of course he hadn't. He wasn't exactly one to pay attention to the pining of others... unless that pining was directed towards him. Then he paid more attention than ever, completely abandoning his thirst for a deck of cards or the roll of a dice.

 He bumped into Inej, subsequently pushing Inej closer to their Shadow, "I'd threaten to toss you into the sea... but I know our little bug is suddenly quite fond of threatening us all."

 Aleksa's lips curled, "It is rather fun. But never you, Jes."

 "Thanks, gorgeous."

 "Tell me," Inej said, eyes still cast upon the rolling waves. They crashed and thrashed as the wind pushed them onwards. Seaspray littered their flesh, leaving little dewdrops to trail the lengths of their cheeks. Inej spared a glance at the wheel, where Kaz stood beside Specht, watching them without a word, "Have you spoken to Kaz since you threatened him?"

 Aleksa pouted. Stubborn was a word she'd been labelled as — branded with. It was like the letters were scrawled across her forehead, a glaring sign... and it was true. Kaz Brekker was infuriating, and while Aleksa could look past it and, more often than not, join him in his pursuits to be a complete idiot... when it came to her Crows, she wouldn't put up with his despicable ways.

 So no. She hadn't spoken to him since... because he hadn't even visited Inej once; not to thank her, not to apologise. Then, he chose to weigh the weight of their plan on her shoulders. Aleksa shook her head, "I haven't."

 "Why?"

 "Why?" Aleksa echoed, "Sorry, I doubt it's escaped your notice that Kaz Brekker is an insufferable idiot."

 "It hasn't escaped me."

 "Then you asked a silly question." Aleksa huffed, shoulders hiking and falling once again. Thing is, despite the bitterness on her tongue and the utmost desire to plant her hand against Kaz's cheek and leave a pink print behind... She really had to restrain from looking towards the wheel where his silhouette would be looming like the prettiest of omens.

 Her eyes seemed to gravitate. They slipped closer and closer, and then the wind blew again and Aleksa swallowed the salt it carried, "He pissed me off, and you should know that when Kaz pisses me off... I accept my apologies in the form of pretty trinkets and sweet-smelling perfumes."

 She'd learned not to expect the words from his mouth. 'I'm sorry' was a phrase that simply didn't have a place to stay within his vocabulary. Still, he hadn't yet left a little bottle by her bedside or slipped a ring or strange coin into her pocket. She wasn't picky, she didn't care if things were worth kruge or not... it was the gesture, that he'd found something he'd thought she'd like.

 Actions spoke louder than words.

 Jesper almost grinned, they'd once spent a night picking at some toffees Kaz had left on her bed with their legs crossed and blankets coddled upon their shoulders like a couple of sneaky little kids. Still, Kaz's face was set in a line. No hint of a smile to see his crew up and awake... Jesper had only seen the barest of changes since Aleksa had returned to them.

 His anger, his pure rage had been replaced with nonchalance. Jesper sighed, "Would it kill him to smile once in a while."

 Aleksa didn't answer, for unlike the two by her side... She had seen his smile, many a time. It was something private, something that belonged to her... like the little trinkets or bottled perfumes he'd snatch and leave for her. It was almost like a gift to see his thinned lips slowly curl. To watch as he twisted away and ran his tongue over his teeth all to stop himself from laughing.

 They just hadn't the privilege of seeing that, not like she had.

 When the night rolled in, carrying a certain chill with it... Aleksa and their crew had all gathered around a sad little oil lamp. It flickered and flashed with a glaring yellow buzz, as though a smattering of fireflies were chittering just above them.

 Most of them were there, sharing little stories as though they were soldiers returning from war; even Matthias had joined them, though he very pointedly took his seat as far from Nina as possible.

 Kaz neglected to show. He was still by the wheel, perched atop a coil of rope as he stared out the distance.

 Everyone had coddled together for their saviours; apparently without Aleksa and Inej almost giving their lives... their entire crew would have died. The Shadow and the Wraith had cleared almost a dozen Black Tips between them.

 Still, the celebrations were a little dismal; Aleksa tapped her fingers over her knee, watching as her frilled sleeves ruffled in the nighttime breeze.

 "Well..." Aleksa breathed, and all eyes fell to her, "This celebration is abysmal." she glanced over the little crew; Jesper cleaning his pistols once again, Wylan wringing his hands and looking like a kid lost in a growing crowd. Inej had tipped her head back, savouring the salted air while Matthias folded his arms and sat like a lump on a log. Then, her eyes fell on dear Nina sucking on a toffee she'd kept hidden in her sleeves.

 Aleksa could recall the way Inej had demanded the Grisha to bellow out an old song; unfortunately... singing seemed to be one of the only things Nina Zenik didn't excel in. 

 Her voice had threatened to shatter their eardrums and capsize the ship. But Aleksa simply couldn't resist, "Nina, dear? Why don't you gift us with that splendid singing of yours?"

 Nina's eyes widened... but then she let a slow smile overcome her lips as inej laughed and Jesper groaned, "Only if you join me, you naughty little Shadow."

 Nina had likely thought her wide grin and taunting voice would be more than enough to stray Aleksa's attention elsewhere, but Aleksa hopped to her feet and brandished a hand, "Shall we dance as well?"

 A raucous amount of cheers bellowed from those around them, clapping hands and hooting whistles shooting through the night as they turned their attention to Nina, willing her forth until her hand slipped into Aleksa's.

 Aleksa could scarcely remember the tune Nina had so lovingly butchered for Inej, but even so, she sang as though each word resonated so very personally. Her voice chimed, and soon enough, Nina followed; "Mighty young captain, bold on the sea. Soldier and sailor and free of disease —"

 And like a match sparking a flame, each of their sailors and brutes rose to their feet. Their palms slapped against one another as their lips parted way to echo the words in full, as though the lot of them were drunk in some grotty old bar.

 Even Wylan and Matthias tapped their toes against the wooden slats of the deck, and Jesper swiftly swooped towards the Grisha. He took a hand from each of them, pressing a chaste little kiss to their knuckles before they began to step and spin in a dance that would likely have their knees aching.

 Aleksa couldn't help but spill a bout of hearty laughter as Jesper stumbled over his feet, crashing into Nina who scowled as he settled into a heap on the ground... still, he had a grin on his face as he clapped and clapped.

 Kaz felt a sense of... well he wasn't quite sure. Or, perhaps he just didn't want to admit that the feeling existed at all. It was longing. A certain pull that tugged on the tips of his covered fingers, on the edges of his sharp-lined coat.

 It only grew harder to ignore when the singing started. Kaz found his eyes shifting from the white-capped mountains poking through the sky like smatterings of trees... they stooped until he found the source. His crew, his Crows... all together besides himself and Specht who continued to keep steady hands upon the wheel.

 Kaz should have expected this to happen, for it happened in the Crow Club enough; Aleksa would line her belly with that sour and sweet cherry liquor she loved so much, and soon enough her hand would be clasping a strangers as they hopped to and fro, sure to avoid the tables.

 He watched. As Nina laughed and bellowed. As Jesper twisted and turned like a newborn dear trying to find its legs...  Aleksa spun on the tips of her boots, sending a flurry of hair surrounding her. Her shirt bristled in the breeze, the ruffles at her wrists and neck jostling with each movement. One of her suspenders had slipped, bumping against her thigh and yet she paid no mind... instead, she tipped her head back, hands clutched at her stomach.

 She laughed. It was loud and true and Kaz Brekker felt his shoulders soften. He felt his chest beginning to thud almost painfully. He should have spoken to her after their argument, after the show she'd conducted... instead, they'd left a divide between them and it left Kaz feeling rather... regretful.

 Aleksa had managed to get every single person to their feet, even the Fjerdan himself. They were all clumsy, as though their blood was flooded with alcohol, and yet there wasn't a drop in sight. That was just how she was, as infatuating as cards, drugs and drink.

 He could feel the cold growing stronger as the minutes ticked by, as the moon rose ever-higher into the starless sky. A shiver wracked his spine, his knee ached relentlessly... it was always worse in the bitterness.

 But then, he warmed.

 Footsteps smacked upon the wooden steps leading his way and all it took was a glance to know who it was.

 Frills, boots and flushed cheeks. Kaz blinked, "I hope you aren't here to convince me to join you."

 Aleksa's eyes rolled skywards as her chest continued to heave for lungs full of fresh and crisp air, "No —" She was going to say something laced with bitterness, something that would sting like a jab from a wasp, but then Aleksa considered him, "Can you dance?"

 "I shouldn't think it can be harder than what we're about to accomplish."

 "So that's a no." Aleksa drew closer to the railings, fingers skimming the top as she collected the litter droplets of seaspray. The waves around the Ferolind were rather calm tonight, they'd been fortunate enough to avoid any storms, "Have you told Inej?"

 Kaz joined her side, watching as her pointer tapped and tapped. The way the billowing sleeves of her shirt rose higher, revealing the little bumps rising on her flesh. He never apologised, and though it was on the tip of his tongue for the very first time... it almost felt wrong. So, rather than words, Kaz did what he always did.

 There was no pretty trinket or sweet-smelling perfume for her to douse her skin with... so instead, Kaz wordlessly shrugged out of his coat. He paused, hesitant as Aleksa watched him with a guarded expression, one he wasn't quite familiar with.

 Then, he dropped it on her shoulders, "I need my Shadow at her best, try not to catch a cold."

 My Shadow.

 Those two words provided far more warmth than his coat ever could.

 Aleksa drew it closer, fingers curling within the fabric as she cast her eyes across the sea. He hadn't answered her question, no mention of Inej, no mention of whether he'd made his way to the girl that had risked her life... only to ask her to do it again.

 "I don't like being angry with you." She said, ever so bluntly, "But you make it so easy for me, Kaz."

 "I know."

 "You know what Inej means to me, what Jesper means to me..." She met his gaze, cerulean blue glistening as it met with bitter coffee, "What you mean to me."

 "Which is why we need Inej to do this."

 She knew that. Aleksa knew that each of their seven-person team played an integral role. Everyone was a cog in their machine, and without one of them... everything would go to shit. But wishing for cooperative teamwork from a bunch of people so vastly different was certainly a big ask indeed.

 Aleksa ran a hand over her face, "I know. I know that we need her to do this... but Kaz... She was in that state because of me. She chose to come after me, and got caught."

 "You would have done the same."

 "I —" But there were no words to follow because Kaz was right, wasn't he? Asking Inej to scale the incinerator was no different than asking Aleksa to show her shadows before their enemies. There was the chance of injury, with death... there always was and there always had been.

 It was the Black Heretic's fault. With his death came a bout of absolute loneliness... A feeling so very paralysing that some nights she couldn't even breathe as he stood there, looming over her with scars littered upon his cheeks. Inej was family, real family.

 She was a girl who cared and loved so much, even despite what the world had done to her, and what it had taken. So perhaps Aleksa only strived to ensure that no more was stolen from her Wraith, perhaps she wanted to stave off any further heartbreak.

 "I would do the same." She admitted, "For any of you, really. I think... I think after losing him, and Alina... I feel quite alone."

 Kaz leaned closer, trying to savour the softness of her words as she fiddled with his coat. Her face was almost swallowed by the shadows, and he couldn't help but wonder if she was tugging on them, begging them to conceal the downturn of her lips.

 "He was right," Aleksa continued, "I'll live for centuries, and now... I'm the only one who will. I'll watch you all —" She turned away, an odd tightening of her throat sealing off her words.

 "You don't want the inevitable to come sooner than it should?" Kaz asked.

 Aleksa hated to admit it, but there was a glaze over her vision, "I just — I don't want any of you hurt."

 "You brought us time to leave the harbour. You've sliced a man in two... I think we'll be just fine."

 "Optimism?" Aleksa laughed. "From Kaz Brekker?" She peered closer and closer until their noses were a mere hair away from brushing, "Are you quite well?"

 He stayed there, feeling warm air brush against his skin like a gentle touch he hadn't felt in years. He could smell that lingering scent of rose wafting from her hair, the sweet tickle from a toffee she must have stolen from Nina. He savoured it all, from the crease by her eyes surged by amusement, to the crooked smile that he wanted to —

 Kaz sucked in a breath and suddenly the ocean waves were too loud. As though he'd submerged again, as though the waves were carrying him, thrashing against his body. He could almost feel the bruises he'd had as a child, he could almost smell the barge.

 Aleksa could spy it. Through the tiniest of cracks none of the others would have noticed, she saw him. Whoever he'd been before the Barrel had beaten him, forced him to rebuild himself piece by piece.

 Where she'd usually reach out if it were Inej, where she'd coddle Jesper in a hug... Aleksa just kept talking, "I keep wondering what we'll all do after this. What I'll do. All I wanted when I was gone was to come back to Ketterdam, to come home. When you buy out the Crow Club, when it's yours entirely... Will my place still be by your side?"

 Yes. Kaz thought, unable to speak through the ocean waters trailing down his throat, Always.

 But there was something more that Aleksa wanted to ask, something that all of the Crows had been balancing upon a patient yet craving tongue, "Pekka Rollins..."

 Like that, the waves subsided and his muscles grew taut. His jaw ached as his teeth clashed together, and his forehead throbbed as his brows sought the presence of one another, coddling until they almost became one. He should have known she'd mention that name, for while he tried to make it seem as though Pekka Rollins was just another idiot merchant, he knew he'd slipped too many times.

 Kaz swallowed, gloved fingers drumming along the railing, while his other hand grew impossibly tight around his cane, "What about him?"

 "Kaz, you might think your walls are too high to see over, but..." Aleksa turned away from the sea, her back bumping against the railing, just barely skimming his fingers. He didn't pull them away, "I see you. I see just how riled his name gets you. This is more than an issue between two Barrel thugs. When you go after the other gangs... it's business, this is personal."

 "Pekka Rollins tore me apart." Those were his words. The lingering desire to spill of his brother died on his tongue. He couldn't bear to mention Jordie. When was the last time he'd said that name aloud without the sound of ringing invading his ears? Without the smell of burning flesh invading his senses?

 Aleksa nodded. There was far more to it... Kaz might have been a lockpick, but he too was a lock only he had the key to open it. Aleksa would find her way, even if it came in the form of a deal. Perhaps she'd tell him what exactly had happened to the Black Heretic on the Fold. Perhaps in turn she'd learn more.

 For now, Aleksa glanced at his fingers, feeling how they so very scarcely brushed her shirt. Goosebumps were left in their wake, and Aleksa poked the toe of her boot into his ankle, "Then we'll tear him apart."

 He said it loud and clear this time, "Brick by brick."

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DATE: 06/04/2024

:･ﾟ★ the angst, i love it <3

an update? surely not?

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